Finding Company in Isolation
Many happily single folks who were enjoying fun, causal sex pre-covid are having a rough time adjusting. I have had friends tell me that they wish they settled down with the slightly racist girl they were fucking for a few weeks, or that maybe they should get serious with the fellow who couldn’t spell pizza (but had an amazing cock). A lot of places in the world are currently on lockdown, which means that casual sex is on hold for an undetermined amount of time. Many of us are feeling bored and lonely at home. As everything we took for granted has shifted and the world is working on developing a “new normal” many of us are feeling scared and seek companionship.
One way to feel connected, entertained, and less alone is to use your online dating membership for company. One of the best things about being in a relationship, is that there is someone there to hear and respond to your mundane life experiences. Of course friends can also play this role, but usually there is no sex on the table, so it may be less exciting. I remember when I was biking down Broadway in New York and this dude spat in my face. I felt a strong urge to tell somebody, but I wasn’t dating anyone at the time so I logged into whichever online site I was using at the time and told the person I had exchanged a few words with what happened. He responded with the proper “WTF, are you ok?” This conversation starter lead us to have a philosophical conversation about humanity and our feelings towards spit. We concluded that during sex spit can be very hot, but when a stranger spits on you, it’s certainly not hot. Anyway, it got me thinking how much someone who I have never met can make me feel better and less alone after experiencing an uncomfortable incident. Since that conversation, I am always incredibly honest with online partners and usually start conversations by sharing the weirdest thing that has happened to me in the last day or two.
We have been given the gift of time, and while we are stuck at home now is a good time for us to engage in more in depth conversations online. Everyone needs to feel heard and connected, and it is astonishing how much an interesting conversation with a stranger online can do this. Meet new people and learning about them can be fascinating and can broaden your world view.
One thing I’ve noticed is that most people on this website are really sex positive, which is amazing. Now is a great time to get to know people sexually online. Some questions you could ask people are: What are your desires and fantasies? What would you do with you if you were in the same place as your conversation buddy? What are your biggest sexual pet peeves? What is your favorite porn? What turns you on about a person? Any type of question that you may not get to when you are planning a hookup, can help you get to know someone more deeply, and make it so if you do meet in the flesh in the future, you are better able to sexually satisfy each other. You could also play truth or dare, or other games where you get to know someone sexually. It could also be hot to let someone you don’t know control your orgasm, and tell you when you are allowed to cum. It’s amazing, but online sex done right can leave you with a similar after sex glow as in person sex can.
Online chatting can also be an interesting way to find potential partners. If you are having an interesting conversation with someone online - ask them out. You can still say “Me and you Friday night” except instead of picking them up at 8pm, you can call or video chat them at 8pm. I find video chat is often uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. This can help us keep a degree of normalcy because you can still hang out with dates, grab your favorite drink, put on a nice outfit and get to know somebody new.
One helpful way to focus your energy wisely is to be clear about what you are looking for when you start to talk to someone new. Fairly early in the conversation mention if you are looking for someone to get to know and entertain you during the crazy time, and perhaps fuck once the isolation periods are over. Or if you are hoping to develop a relationship, that is also helpful to say, as it can help you narrow in your conversation partners to those that are looking for what you are looking for.
It is an unprecedented time and at least for now many of us have to learn to develop connections in new ways. Using online dating you can have company, meet potential partners, and start to get really excited about meeting some folks in person when life returns to normal again.