If It's Nice, Fuck It Twice
When having sex with someone for the first time it is important to come with your A game. But what does that mean? What separates the folks who never get called back from those who call you the next day for round two?
For a long time, I used to think that bringing my A game meant coming with my best moves. Working on doing that thing where I deep throat real good; or trying that move where I slowly put my finger in their butt while gently sucking their balls. Having your ‘go to’ moves is great, but for me it’s not just the moves that help me to decide if I’m interested in going back for a round two.
Here is my advice regarding how to make someone have so much fun fucking you that they keep coming back for more.
It is very important that you choose someone who is looking for something similar to you. If you are looking for a casual fling and are meeting someone who you know is looking for more, you are walking into an unsustainable situation. You may be able to enjoy each other's bodies once or twice, but inevitably it will come to light that you are looking for different things. To save poetical hurt and awkwardness, I suggest discussing what you are looking for pre-fuck and making sure you are at least close to being on the same page.
Create an arousing environment
A study found that when looking at naked photographs, men looked at the models genitals and the face. Women looked at their genitals and faces as well, but also looked at the clothing they were taking off, the bed and the paintings in the background. It seems like for women the background environment is just as important as the foreground (penis!). This means if you are having a woman over it is worth it for you to clean up, dress well, and create an alluring environment for sexy time!
Ask them what they are into
We all have unique desires that excite us. Trying what worked on your ex may not work with a new partner. In fact, vulvas are naturally unique so the same stimulation will feel different for each woman. The only way to learn about a new person, is to ask them. What are your fantasies? What turns you on? Does this feel good? As well, to get them excited about round two, after you are done fucking ask them what their favorite part of the hookup was and what they would want to try next time.
Look for verbal and non-verbal signs
Not everyone is great at communicating their desires verbally, but there are always bodily signals if you look out closely for them. Most importantly, make sure they seem to be comfortable and enjoying themselves. If at any point they seem uncomfortable, take a step back and check in with them. If it seems that they are faking pleasure, make it clear to them that you want to make them feel good and that you don’t care how long it takes.
Sex toys are under used in partnered sex. A lot of women can only orgasm with their vibrator. For some, the most arousing thing in the world would be you fucking them while they use their vibrator on their clit. Using toys does not make you any less of a man. In fact, it makes you more of a man as you are helping facilitate as much pleasure for us as you can.
Tell them how much they are turning you on
We all enjoy hearing what effect they are having on their partners. If you are getting hard thinking about fucking your partner, tell them. If you are winding how their boobs will jiggle when we are riding you, tell us. If we look even better naked than in our photos, tell us, it’s sexy.
Treat us well
We want to be treated well by your cock but also with you. Most of what makes me decide if I want to come back for more is the general environment. Even if it’s just a hookup, make a genuine effort to create a fun and sensual environment. Ask your partners about their lives. See if they want a glass of water. Cuddle with them after. Invite them to sleep over, or if that’s not on the table let us know beforehand so it’s not a shock. Make us yummy dinner. Being genuinely nice won’t give us the wrong idea if you are clear that you are just looking for some fun. I think in our society men are so worried about giving us the wrong “message” that they don’t show any connection. You can have a perfectly casual hookup but still giggle, cuddle and eat ice cream.
It is usually my 12th time with someone that’s the hottest. It’s long enough that I can relax, enjoy and not feel like I have to prove myself, but new enough that it is still very exciting and novel. I highly suggest following this advice so you create a space where the person you are hooking up with wants to cum back at least 12 times